> ...you needed to sink in a lot of time to get the few quality time you wrote about.
Sounds like you've got a skill issue. That doesn't match my experience, like, at all.
But a really, really easy shortcut was to find servers that indicated that they were furry-friendly. This all but guaranteed that
1) The folks on there would be fairly even-keeled and reasonable, and folks who weren't would be rapidly banned forever.
2) The folks on there would generally be good at the game. [0]
3) If you're lucky -and the game is one that permits custom "sprays" (as HL1 and Source engine did)- you might get to see some high-quality-but-thumbnail-sized furry porn.
[0] Seriously, at least back when both server browsers and user-hosted game servers were commonplace, I found a 1:1 correlation between "Are they a furry?" and "Are they particularly good at the game?". It was wild.
Your favorite server was not always online
Some people were too good on the server you like and it wasn't fun.
Countless other problems, and you needed to sink in a lot of time to get the few quality time you wrote about.