"He found the writing process too focused on the self — and for him, that exploration was often painful and depressing. Moreover, as he later realized, “I wanted to be someone who writes great poetry,” he said. “I didn’t want to write great poetry.” Now he sees that version of himself as almost a complete stranger."
That's the reason I deleted my personal blog. I felt that when I was writing publicly about my life/thoughts I was focusing too much on my ego.
This is also why I never started a blog, and don’t maintain any social media accounts. Participating in forums like this already drives some self-obsessive behavior (watching for upvotes and proverbial nodding heads), but a pulpit I fear would drive near incessant “audience awareness,” a constant reflection of my ego’s shape as perceived by others. Our social proclivities are to easily supercharged to neuroses with modern technology.
That's funny, my reasoning comes from the opposite end of the ego spectrum - creating a blog or any other kind of social media presence means putting myself out there and inviting attacks on my ego. So I avoid doing so to protect my ego. Anytime I think of doing a writeup of something and sharing online, my subconscious starts thinking about how people will perceive and judge my work and I scram back into my ego shelter. I won't have to face feedback and criticism if no one hears about me or my work :D
Hit me up if you figure this one out. I can't be bothered to get my personal website back up and it's just an nginx configuration away for about a year now.
and i announce that by sharing a post that I'll be taking a break. its kinda like toasting to that I'll stop drinking the next morning. on a serious note tho, I don't really get why he says that poetry places importance on the ego- maybe it's a cultural difference, but a lot of great poems I'm familiar with are about nature and made up characters etc. tho i see how so many really really good poems throughout history are an overblown retelling of what I can only assume is the product of faith and mushrooms (looking at you, Dante)
Here’s an alternative:
I wanted to be a magician, but when started to learn how to cast spells I realized that to become one I would have to embody the disenchantment of my world.
I felt I got into this point where everything was revolving around me. It was all about "me, me, me". And at that time, I suspected that most of my problems were generated by putting my opinions/ego on a pedestal.
I still write sometimes when I want to clear things for myself in a notebook nobody will see. I think it can be therapeutic at times.
But I'm in a point in my life where I think I need to get myself out of the way, be humble and enjoy everything else out there.
I'm glad you found this problem. I also had this problem (me, me, me) and realizing this has improved my life and the life of people surrounding me, a lot.
I think it's quite obvious we're working hard to build an ego-centered, self-destructive society. While I wholeheartedly agree with the idea of realising it, and trying not to endorse it, I wonder if it wouldn't be healthier, more effective and fulfilling to look for ways to make one's thoughts, ideas, questions, epiphanies, ramblings somehow public, so that one could eventually connect with like-minded, develop deeper thoughts, relationships, actions, towards gathering some meaning in life.
That's the reason I deleted my personal blog. I felt that when I was writing publicly about my life/thoughts I was focusing too much on my ego.